Work out what you think first. Talk to your manager, a colleague or a friend after that. Otherwise it's easy to adopt the view of the first person who listens. Once you've written down your own answer, you can hold other people's opinions up against it.
Write it down. In your head, the same question can go round and round without getting anywhere. On paper you can see what you know for sure, what you're only guessing and where an answer is missing. A few messy sentences are enough to start.
Work out which question you actually have. Do you need to choose between two or three options? Is a change of direction on the table, like staying or leaving? Is the situation so tangled that you first need to understand what's going on? Or is something that happened still on your mind? Each of these four has its own reflection with a fitting method above.
What you can write down
Two offers, and you can only take one
“What does my choice need to deliver a year from now? I'll write down three criteria and weight them before I compare the two offers.”
Stay or leave
“What do I lose if I stay, and what if I leave? Which of those consequences could I still change later, and which couldn't I?”
Everything feels stuck
“What should be different four weeks from now? What is actually going on today, leaving out my interpretation? What have I already tried, and what would a small first step be?”
Yesterday's presentation went badly
“What happened, in three sentences? What does that tell me about how I prepared? What will I do differently next time?”
Common questions
How do I sort out my thoughts when everything's a mess?
Start by writing down whatever is on your mind, in any order. Then separate it: what happened, what you assume, what you want. Pick one question to answer today. The rest can wait.
Should I talk to my boss or look for a new job?
You don't have to decide both at once. First work out what would need to change for you to want to stay. Then ask whether a conversation could change it. If it could, prepare that conversation. If not, compare staying and leaving honestly.
What if I keep going round in circles?
Set a date for the decision and write down what you still need to know by then. If information is missing, ask for it. If nothing is missing, decide with what you have and note how you'll know later whether it was the right call.
When should I talk to someone about it?
Once you can put your own view into a few sentences. Then a conversation helps you find blind spots.
Common mistakes
Packing several questions into one
Trouble with your team, your pay and whether to move on are connected, but you can't settle them in one go. Take one and note the others for later.
Deciding on the day's mood
After a bad Monday, leaving looks better than after a good Friday. Read your notes again on a second day before you commit.
Only looking at what went wrong
When you reflect on something that happened, it's tempting to list only the mistakes. Write down what went well too, so you can repeat it.
Staying on your own too long
Thinking alone prepares you for a conversation. If your answer depends on other people, talk to them once you know what you want to say.
Methods for getting clear on your own
- Decision Matrix: Choose between optionsSet criteria, weight them and compare two or more options against them.
- Pros and Cons: Weigh a big decisionFor questions like staying or leaving: benefits, drawbacks and consequences, including the ones that show up later.
- GROW: Untangle a messy situationFrom your goal through the current reality and your options to a step you'll actually take.
- What? So What? Now What?: Learn from something that happenedDescribe what happened, ask what it tells you and decide what you'll do differently.
Is a particular occasion coming up?
Finding your place, and your team's, in a new setup.
One conversation for a whole year of work.
“What would you advise someone who told you exactly this?”
I ask myself this when I keep going round in circles on something. I often find an answer for other people faster than for myself. So I write that answer down and check whether it holds for me too.